Every two or three days, I see an article or blog post or forwarded inspirational quote about beauty. It’s usually something affirming like
“You are beautiful, whether you know it or not.”
“We are all beautiful.”
“Everyone is beautiful to somebody.”
It’s cheerful stuff. It builds the self-esteem, makes people feel valued, and spreads joy and happiness across the internet.
It’s also bullshit.
And you know it’s bullshit, because you really wanted to laugh at that picture.
Everyone is not beautiful. Some people have tumors the size of a second head growing out of their ears. Some people have skin like the Michelin man. Some people lose fingers, legs, or eyes in horrific assembly-line machine accidents. People have warts and blemishes and hair loss and dead teeth and lazy eyes and cleft palates and third nipples and unibrows.
There are plenty of people that are not physically appealing to look at, the primary and most widely used meaning of the word “beautiful”. So why do we use the word as a catch-all for any sort of positive attribute?
Nobody says, “Everybody is a good listener.” Nobody says, “Everyone is athletic to somebody.” Nobody says, “You are an amazing writer, whether you know it or not.” I keep waiting, but they never say it.
Beauty is the only trait that everyone gets free access to. Why?
Because we have created a culture that values beauty above all other innate traits…for women, at least. Men are generally valued by their success, which is seen solely as a result of talent and hard work, despite how much it depends on luck and knowing the right people.
But women are pretty much a one-note instrument. Society says, you’re hot, or you’re not. Your looks affect your choice of mate, the friends you have, and even your job. And this factor that will affect every part of your life is something you have virtually no control over.
This, of course, is a horrible thing to say, and society knows better. It knows that saying this acknowledges that this is an unfair and unreasonable way to run things. So it reassures you that
Because if everyone is beautiful or everyone can be beautiful or everyone is beautiful to someone, it’s okay to base a civilization around it.
And we have based a civilization around it. Movies, television, and music thrive on the young and attractive. Fashion and cosmetics industries thrive off your lowered self-esteem, selling you product after product promising to make you beautiful and valuable to society. Pornography generates billions of dollars a year selling you a sexual experience with people that are, in terms of looks, permanently out of your league.
And these industries aren’t going to do anything to jeopardize that. They’ll act like it, sure. American Eagle promises not to Photoshop their models…by being sure to hire peopwho are naturally photogenic.
Yes, the real you is sexy…if, you know, you’re born that way.
Or Dove will use their Real Beauty campaign to widen the narrow standards of beauty by showcasing models with a diverse range of body types.
Lots of diversity there.
So what can we do to overthrow the system once and for all?
…
…
Honestly, nothing. You and I can’t take on corporations and multibillion-dollar industries on our own. They’ve stacked the deck against us in more ways than we can count, and will counteract every move we make.
When you’re playing a game where the rules are unfair and everything’s bent in someone else’s favor, it’s time to stop playing.
Let go of “beautiful”. Not everyone can be beautiful, just like not everyone can climb Everest or play saxophone or become a millionaire.
I know what you mean when you say “Everyone is beautiful.” You mean that everyone is valuable, everyone has worth, everyone has good qualities that make them someone to be loved. And if we could reclaim the word and make it mean that, I’d say go for it.
But the fact is, we don’t own the word. The world owns the word, and to the world, “beauty” is physical attractiveness and nothing more. To use “beautiful” in our wider, deeper, more important meaning only confuses the issue. It sends our young women horrible mixed messages, telling them that everyone is beautiful, and sending them into despair when the boys flock after someone with a thinner waistline and a wider bust.
It’s semantics. That’s all the issue is, down at the roots. But semantics hurt more than we realize. So let’s try to step past them.
I want to tell you something, whoever you are. I don’t know if you’re beautiful, funny, smart, friendly, musical, caring, diligent, athletic, or anything else about you. All I know is this:
You are valuable.
You are important.
You are interesting.
You are worth loving.
So forget about “beautiful”. It’s become an ugly word anyway.
Good article. And it’s true that the world seems to care about the physical appearance much more than it’s worth it. We are hard wired this way, to our genes beauty translates as good health and good DNA. But, luckily, there is more to beauty and there are people who care about the personality and intellect. And there are people out there who dare to be themselves and be unique. Not that anything will change in the beauty-driven industries. So they say they celebrate various body types (Dove)? Well, cool, except for the fact that all of the models in this advertisement have been posed to look as slim, as possible or to accentuate the curves (as in geometry curves, not as extra weight curves). And shot from quite afar, so you are not going to really be able to notice their skin blemishes and flaws.
As for all other “no Photoshop” ads… Beautiful and healthy model, good make-up artist, flattering poses, soft light. And no Photoshop is needed. But they do not prove that “everybody is beautiful” nor that Photoshop is evil. These ads just prove they had a beautiful model, good make-up artist and a good photographer who likes working with soft light.
Nope. This was probably written by a white dude who never had any problems accessing anything or had difficulty being accepted in his life. What we consider to be beautiful is largely a construction (the fact that most of the people on lists of “most attractive people” are white isnt a coincidence, for example.) Regardless, acceptance of others doesn’t mean you want to go making out with everyone, and self acceptance, which is essentially the main thing involved with self esteem. I think there’s better ways to build this than with dove ads (which don’t really show all that much variation in body size and the message is still “even these people are beautiful, believe it or not”) or instagram photos with messages written in nice fonts. But i would think that this guy’s opinion would be slightly different if he were, say, a black woman, who experienced job discrimination based solely on the fact that she doesn’t fit the normal standard of beauty. He can be the one to tell women like that to just “suck it up.”
Miss Kate the import of this article is entirely lost on you
I’m sure she get’s lost often trying to see through those bitter glasses.
Why is everyone arguing based on their perception of beauty? Really, the article said it’s about the semantics. Get it? Search the word. The author clearly realizes that beautiful can mean all those otehr things and more. But he/she’s not blind to the fact that everyone has different perceptions regarding it. And that no matter how you may think the word beautiful means, or how beautiful is beautiful, or how everyone is beautiful or whatever, in the big picture it matters less because you don’t own the word. You don’t own it. The world does.
Beauty is an opinion, as is worth, importance, or value. You are correct when it comes to your own, yet not if all things considered.
I want to tell you something, whoever you are. I dont know if you recognize fact from fiction, or right from wrong, or your opinion from someone else’s.
Even through your mediocre attempt to stomp out blanket compliments, I see your blanket compliment.
This is actually so true! Glad someone finally said it!
To all of you saying it’s not, BULLSHIT.
If a morbidly obese partner offered you sex, and a super model offered, you could choose both if you wanted… You’d only choose the model?
Why?
Well, it’s purely because the obese person isn’t beautiful and the model is
I developed a visual impairment early in childhood, a kind of visual dyslexia almost, in which I couldn’t see people’s faces. It’s called Prosopognosia, and I had it until my son was in fourth grade. I remember the first faces I recognized were those of Obama and McCain on a poster. Slowly I started recognizing faces, and saw where noses and mouths were, where they hadn’t been before. I saw my son’s face, and I saw my own. Everyone, absolutely everyone to me, no matter what scars or “blemishes” they have is beautiful. And they will always be so. Your values are not mine, and please don’t assume they should be.
To be honest I really don’t agree to this article. When people actually get to know Each other they become more physically attracted to Each other and you’ll see the real beauty on the inside and outside. At least that’s the way it works for me.
Physical beauty is Also just a standard which is forced upon us by the media. Only the people who have a Tiny waist with big boobs and asses seem to count. Well the majority of men and women just does not look like that and still have people who truly believe they are beautiful. I’m not saying that a slim body Isn’t good (I’m not fat either) but I Also don’t believe that someone who’s fat can’t be beautiful. Besides the standardization of beauty changes almost every decade and voloptuous women were considered beautiful back in the days.(I don’t know About men)
The writer is talking About women only and considers a man’s beauty a result of his succes.. Well then can you explain to me why thousands or maybe even more women were drooling over that mug shot because the guy had blue eyes and a ‘handsome’ face.. He wasn’t succesful.. He ended up in jail..
You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
Beautiful is all of those words you listed and more. Sure some people may not look *aesthetically pleasing* but that doesn’t mean that they themselves aren’t beautiful. As long as something about them “pleases the senses” then it’s beautiful.
Also, I agree with the Michael. It’s all perspective I guess.
I lost my leg 3 and a half years ago, and now I feel I’m not the same person nor will I find love again because of these stereotypes that you see in magazines TV and just everybody is programmed see this god bless you for posting this I could just wow I’m so amazed you came across this! I have been so worried about its not a disability it’s a blunt in the amputation that’s not bad I can work I can do a lot yep my confidence is still there but I question it a lot. Thank you sweetheart so much getting this out there god bless you and God bless everybody we’re all unique there is no such thing as normal! I would like someone to describe normal to me, what is normal? Its not possible. But feel free to try.
Mike, all my life I was attracted to long legged, big breasted women, wouldn’t settle for anything less. I wouldn’t make eye contact with people in wheelchairs ’cause it creeped my out. I fell in love and married a woman in a wheelchair (permanently), and we now have two beautiful children. Love is blind.
This is, perhaps, the best reply I’ve seen! God bless you and I’m sure you’re happier than most the people commenting here. You didn’t deny your feelings for who you love. Yay! You’re the minority here! Thank you for this comment.
We all have higher or lower levels of inner beauty and outer beauty. While inner beauty is more important, this article focuses on the outer beauty.
Indeed, some physical features on people are more beautiful than others. While many features are more attractive than others, ALL features are beautiful.
Any judgment that any feature on any person is inherently ugly, is a learned belief. Who told you that “tumors the size of a second head growing out of their ears. Some people have skin like the Michelin man. Some people lose fingers, legs, or eyes in horrific assembly-line machine accidents. People have warts and blemishes and hair loss and dead teeth and lazy eyes and cleft palates and third nipples and unibrows” are ugly?
Sure; warts, hair loss, and third nipples are less beautiful or attractive, but they still have a degree of beauty to me.
To attain the priceless inner beauty we must deem every part of everyone’s body to be physically beautiful, while repudiating the world’s corrupted belief that wrinkled skin, tumors and pimples are ugly. All these beliefs are learned and can be unlearned.
Why do I see the wrinkled skin on a lizard to be beautiful while the wrinkled skin on my 90 year old patient to be less beautiful? I am still learning.
But I am not missing the point that some skin is more attractive than others. And some people are a bit more beautiful than others. Can we agree that the less beautiful people are still physically beautiful?